In other exciting news, today, marking two years after Ian and I first officially started dating, we broke up again. But this time I think it sticks. Because you can only look in the eyes of someone you really love and see nothing staring back before you stop loving and start hating that person.

So in regards to my last few posts, I guess there isn't really some impending time line that I need to "fix myself" by. Ian felt like we were bad for a long time before he finally voiced it, and he only gave me a "last chance" on Saturday to get away from me. I didn't realize how bad we were, so this all feels sudden, like how can you stop loving someone just like that? but it wasn't just like that. That means there is also very little I can do to fix myself to make our relationship work. And by very little, I mean absolutely nothing.

At the same time, Ian hates to be alone. He only got back together with me because he thought it would make him happy. And it didn't. So now he is moving on to another girl. And he can do that, in the attempt to figure out what exactly will make him happy. I have figured it out. I figured it out before we got back together! It was being alone!

In other news, but slightly related, on 12/21/08 was when I finally accepted Ian and I were over "forever." And today, that has happened again. And I have been writing so frequently between then and now, maybe that is part of my so called "neuroses" that Ian says I have, but I am nonetheless proud of myself for keeping up on it.

Now to keep up on myself. I was right to doubt getting back together with Ian in January and now I know for sure. Time to move on.