Today has been hard in a different way. I guess they will all be hard in different ways until they aren't hard anymore. The good thing was that the few tears I cried were outside, where it was windy, so I had an excuse. Maybe they weren't even tears over Ian, just tears in the wind. And there were only a few.

Mostly I am not sad. The cognitive, logical arguments I have put forth still work really well for calming me down when I get upset, and I'm okay getting upset as long as it doesn't get out of hand. I don't miss Ian, I just miss someone. I like waking up next to someone on weekend mornings. I like snuggling and the smell of someone else. I like trying to take care of someone else. But really, who doesn't? I am bound to find someone else who I like, who likes me, and who likes those things too.

All in all, everything is always okay, like my friend Halley said. In the grand scheme of the universe, this is a minor blip, one easily learned from and overcome.

My favorite part of the day now is getting into bed at the end of the night and reading a chapter from Bell Hooks' All About Love, and writing in my notebook. And falling asleep listening to Harry Potter audiobooks. Those are things you can't do with someone else (though they were things I gladly gave up for Ian's company, or maybe just for anyone's company. I'd like to think a relationship that bad is in no way special and should be looked at realistically.).

That, and there are only 36 days left until school is over, until moving forward, until letting go completely. 'Bout damn time is all I can say.