I'm officially on a 10-day hiatus from the social networking websites. Except Twitter, because nobody from school reads that. I just need a break from... well, my life. I had a horrible last night, nothing that Ian saw, but which made me feel completely unloved or cared for, and worthless and alone. And yes, I have my friends, and I have had the pleasure of seeing five of my six closest friends in the past 24 hours, and am going to see the sixth in a few minutes, but they can't heal what's going on now. Only time, and some big determination, and a stout heart, can.

Sometimes I wish I were a big predatory cat. So I could hiss at people when I get mad and they would realize that what they're doing is pissing me off and stop. But no. Things will happen as they will, and we can't go back and undo what happened last night. But we can never forget it. I will not be burned by Ian again. Ever. Somehow he got out of two break-ups free of emotional turmoil and the universe is just unfair like that sometimes.

Hopefully someday he will learn that relationships won't make you happy. Hopefully he will grow, and it will hurt and be uncomfortable, like this is for me. One can always hope.

Edit: I feel the need to point myself back to the end of The Ex-Files that I did when Ian and I broke up last time, here. Clearly I didn't learn from it then, but I think I need a refresher... And to learn now.