Today has been a bit of a roller coaster day, not that we haven't heard that somewhere before.

Lately I have just been passing out before bed, unable to both update and read All About Love and write in my paper journal. I think this might have something to do with the workouts I have been trying to do each day. I swam 2700 yards yesterday, and both went to the gym and played some volleyball today. Admittedly, volleyball is not really a workout, but at least I did something.

I had dinner with another gem of a person today, Meghan. I lived and worked with her over the summer and she was a Godsend during the first breakup with Ian. It was nice to talk with her about it again, from the side of another one. Honestly though, talking is wearing out its use, like it did last time, and I think I'm going to switch to the fuck talking about emotions, let's get drunk! phase of moving on.

And I'm totally ready. I realized today that I spent probably 90% of our getting-back-together relationship talking myself into being with him, that I really wanted to, that I actually was happy and could make it work. As soon as I felt like I was getting somewhere he broke up with me. But now I no longer have to doubt myself. I know I don't want to be with him, that he doesn't make me happy, and I can't make it work (we could make it work, but he gave up on that a while ago, I think). The only thing that hurts is being replaced, but I can't fix him or change him, and neither can the new girl, or the next one after, or any of them. Only he can change himself, and it's not my problem to try and fail anymore. It's time for me to work on me.