I am literally having one of the worst days of my time at Grinnell today. I have no idea what caused it or where it came from or why it has to always be that I have awesome days immediately followed by completely shitty days, but I don't like it. Do I not deserve what I've earned or deserve to be happy too? Everyone else seems to be getting their way with the universe and apparently I have been deemed to have a really unlucky end to my time at Grinnell.

Okay, so yeah, maybe it's what I need so that I can let this place go, but I get it now. I am going to let go, for Christ's sake. I don't need to leave hating the place.

Maybe I could be more succinct:
1. Hookup --> Usurpation. Politeness? Niceness? What the fuck is going on here.
2. Two 10+ page papers. I might honestly not even do one of them.
3. Failure to be recognized by the team. For the fourth year in a row.

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So I've had a good cry and talked to my mom, and I see what's going on here. The point is not that I have to hate Grinnell to let it go. The point is to deal with this on my own. And admittedly, I failed a little at that, calling Ian after Mari failed to realize what it meant to me, and after my mom wasn't able to talk. But then again, we have companionship for a reason. And I'm just trying to do what Ian did. I'm just trying to replace the emptiness I feel without him, right on the schedule I usually keep.

I need to calm the fuck down. Which resolution was that again?