Ya damn right, Simeons-Twin. It will be better tomorrow.

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What to say? Today was a much more level day. More balanced and realistic and aware and ohmygod I only have 21 days until graduation. Three weeks! I am very unprepared. I am sure I will go out kicking and screaming, like with everything... I really don't do change well.

But yes. I feel like I am at least on solid ground. Not riding a mile-high good feeling, nor sitting in a ravine of negativity. I do wonder if I score mildly bi-polar, the way I swing from time to time.

Mari and I were talking today about how forward I am with men, and I guess that is something to go on. I am pretty sure I have made the first move in every relationship I've been in, big or small or one-night-only. I consider that weird. Not in a oh, I shouldn't be like that way, but in a why are you so fucking dependent once you start dating then? kind of way. I mean, really.

I can ask any guy out. Okay scratch that. I do have insecurities, and I doubt myself, and I have a hard time with occasional people. But I almost always get over it. Even really beautiful people don't scare me. I can casually, subtly, and sometimes not-so-subtly often arrange get-togethers with those people I want to, be they friends or lovers. And I can handle rejection pretty well at first shot.

But I have an incredibly hard time staying friends or lovers with people. I become incessantly dependent upon them, and often overwhelm them with what I need, forgetting about what they need. So who am I really? Am I the boisterous, out-going and easy-to-meet person, or am I the dependent, insecure partner? I am in no way suggesting that I can't be both, but I am pretty sure that why people like me is the former, and why they stop talking to me is the latter.

One side might need a little revamping, is all I'm saying.